I'm not the kind of mom that worries about every little sniffle. My general philosophy is whatever doesn't kill 'em makes 'em stronger. Don't get me wrong, I'm a modern mom who carries hand sanitizer in every purse, stroller, diaper bag and car I have. Since my son is not skilled at keeping his food on his plate I always keep those self-sticking place mats on hand for restaurants. And after my sister visited with her new puppy every one's hands and face got a thorough scrubbing. But if my kids decide to try and feed each other dirt from the backyard or pop the occasional bug into their mouth, oh well. A little extra protein for the day.
But on occasion, I get a little obsessed about my kids to the point that I can't think about anything else. That's when the trouble starts because that's when I start visiting WebMD. I've done it for each of my kids and drove myself crazy staring at disgusting pictures of rashes trying to figure out which disease to inform the pediatrician my kids have, as if my 20-minutes of research online makes me more qualified to diagnoses than the years of education and experience that the trained medical professionals have. It's shameful. I'm not proud, but I can't seem to stop myself.
I also turned to WebMD about two weeks before my planned C-Section and watched a video of EXACTLY what the doctors were going to be doing to me behind that big sheet that would separate my head from the rest of my body. Let me tell you ladies, there's a reason they don't let you watch your own c-section. It's grodey. Nobody should ever, EVER see that happening. Well, needless to say, I freaked out. The thought of my insides being on the outside was just too much to handle. I tried to convince my husband that the baby should just stay inside me like a kangaroo, but he explain to me that I am not a marsupial and a pouch was not an option.
He made me promise never to visit WebMD again. Well, I haven't gone to the site for a long time, but my son... my baby, was diagnosed with strabismus or "lazy eye" (by an actual medical professional, not me!) He is scheduled to have surgery on May 19th and, once again, I turned to WebMD for more details. The idea of having my little baby in an operating room under anesthesia is enough to make me cry. The thought of someone, even a highly trained doctor, the best in the state, I'm told, cutting away a piece of muscle from my baby's eye makes my heart stop. Seeing pictures of what they will be doing... no words. Just tears.
I have to keep reminding myself that he needs this surgery to avoid loosing vision in his eye. I need to remind myself that the doctors are there to help him. I need to remember that God gave him to me and He will keep him safe.
So now, I'm off to the pediatrician to check out a sniffle and make sure it won't interfere with the surgery. I can't wait until this is all over.