Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Christmas Songs: The Ones I Could Do Without

The Christmas Season seems to start sooner each year.  This year we not only have "Black Friday", but "Gray Thursday" and even what I like to call "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs Wednesday".  The artificial trees at Wegmans started going on display before Halloween.  My daughter was outraged, and I admit I'm more than a little bit proud of that.

One thing I do like about jump-starting Christmas is the music.  I love Christmas Carols.  I would listen to them all year long if my husband didn't adamantly object.  He puts his foot down for so few things that I have to oblige.  I love that WARM 101.3 started its annual Holiday Gift of Music early.  Nothing makes me happier than a good Christmas song.  I feel the need to stress "good" Christmas song.  There are several Christmas songs that I feel are horrible and I turn the radio off when I hear them.  I don't even just change the station, I turn the whole thing right off.  I dislike them that much.

So, here's a list of songs that just bug the bejeebers out of me.  (Spellcheck doesn't like the word bejeebers.)  Now, I know that some of the songs on this list are on the Favorite Songs list for other people, but this is my blog, so tough noogies.  If you don't agree, write your own blog.  :-P

1.  Political Songs:  I really don't like political songs.  I specifically object to Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon.  First of all, Xmas is a pet peeve of mine.  It's Christmas.  Jesus doesn't sign his name with an X.  And taking Christ out of it doesn't change what the season is all about.  Secondly, even as a small child the lyrics "war is over if you want it" seemed ridiculous to me.  A boy in grammar school once threatened to punch me in the face.  I firmly believe that if I had responded with "Hey, man!  War is over if you want it," he would have punched me right then and there.  Also, Yoko Ono is the worst. 

2.  My Grownup Christmas List:  This song also falls under the category of "Political Songs" as does any song that tries to get me to think.  I don't listen to the radio to think about stuff.  I listen to it to stop thinking about stuff.  I can think about how horrible the world is all by myself without Natalie Cole reminding me.  The Michael Buble version is the only one I can even remotely tolerate, mostly because the sound of his voice makes me fall asleep.

3.  Christmas Shoes by Newsong:  This song makes me hate Rob Lowe's handsome face every year.  I blame him for perpetuating this super sappy song with the equally lame movie he starred in on the Hallmark channel.  I don't like songs that try to manipulate my emotions.  They are usually met with fury rather than compassion.

4.  Warm and Fuzzy Time of Year by Billy Gilman:  I don't know exactly what it is about this song that makes me feel... uncomfortable.  Maybe it's because the home economics teacher in high school used the phrase "warm fuzzies" all the time and it really creeped me out.  I don't know.  Plus, it's in way too high a key for most people to sing along.

5.  Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer:  When this song first came out when I was a kid I thought it was hilarious.  My cousin and I quickly memorized the entire song and sang it repeatedly.  My Grandma hated it.  She was deeply offended at the suggestion that she would wear a blue and silver wig.  Like I said, it was hilarious when I was a kid, but like many things of my youth, I just find it super annoying now.

6. The Twelve Pains of Christmas:  This song is literally just a list of complaining.  (The irony that this is a list of things I don't like is not lost on me.  I'm just ignoring it.)  Things are never really that bad and certainly not all at once.

7.  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas:  If this seems like a strange one to have on the list, don't worry, it's a little strange for me, too.  Judy Garland sang this song in the movie "Meet Me In St. Louis" in 1944.  It's a lovely little tune and very sentimental with hope for a happier future.  The reason it is on the list is because of my Dad.  He once told me that when he was on the U.S.S. Enterprise during the Vietnam War they would play this song for the men.  It made him feel sad because so many of those men would never see home again.  Every time I hear this song I think of all the men and women who will never see home again and how thankful I am that my Dad was not among them.

8.  Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg:  This song is terrible.  The guy sees a girl he used to know in the grocery store, hides behind the frozen foods and then touches her sleeve.  I realize he needed to rhyme something with "Christmas Eve," but "touched her on her sleeve" is just incredibly creepy.  If someone who has just been hiding behind the frozen foods in the grocery store touches me on my sleeve I can guarantee you that my fist will be touching him on his eye.  End of song.  Also, the two are considering adultery, which I'm glad they resisted, but they split a six-pack of beer in a parking lot and then drove home.  Super classy.

So, that's basically it.  If you want to bug the heck out of me then call the radio station and request any of these songs repeatedly.  Just so you don't think I'm a total whiner, I'm going to also post my favorite Christmas songs.  :-)

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