Monday, March 26, 2012

My Fair Lady

I'm super white...
I have fair skin.  Now, if you don't know me or haven't seen me in a while, let me explain further.  I have REALLY white skin.  The other day my mother saw my leg and said, "Kim, you're the only person I know who can put their leg next to a piece of white paper and make the paper look like it's old."  My sister added onto this comment with, "Your skin is 92 Bright."  They laugh, but I can make them go blind by reflecting the sun off my leg at just the right angle.  Also, the red haired girl at the gym who looks like a china doll was pleased to find the first person she's ever met who is whiter than her.  I'm whiter than most people, with the exception of albinos.  But really, I'm not much darker than them either.  The freckles give the illusion of more pigmentation.

There's a picture of me as a baby laying on my parent's bed.  It's kind of a "Where's Waldo" kind of photo because the sheets on the bed were white.  The only real way to spot me is to look for the dark hair.  If I had the picture I would post it.  Sadly, it's somewhere in my parent's house.

It's been uncharacteristically warm this March, so the inevitability of shorts, or at the very least capris, is once again upon me.  I decided to make Jergens lotion with sunless tanner part of my daily routine in an effort to blend in with the crowd.  Here's the thing about sunless tanners and bronzers; they make the assumption that you already have some sort of color to your skin.  They are orange which, on skin with any amount of brown, will leave you with a nice warm, natural-looking, sun kissed glow.  But when you mix the orange with pure white... you get orange.  It's not too bad in natural light, but combined with the florescent lighting at the gym, I looked like an Oompa Loompa.  Flailing around doing Zumba didn't help alleviate that image.

So my option this summer boil down to blazingly white, oddly orange, or sweating in long pants for three months.  I'm not sure where I'll land on this.


Ashley said...

Long pants! It's what us whities do. ;)

Kim said...

LOL! Why does that sound so racist? :-)